| Hello |
[14 Nov 2010|09:48pm] |
Hello LJ, how are you?
Regards,
John
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| It's that time again folks! |
[31 Dec 2008|09:39am] |
FIVE GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2008
1. Got Mel :)
2. Got to try something new, in a new place
3. Got over the past
4. Got started on a game
5. Got started on school again
FIVE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2008
1. My father died : R.I.P. John E. Lloyd, Jan 8th 1955 - May 6th, 2008
2. Missed alot of my friends
3. Lost contact with good people
4. Lost my job at Charter
5. Have had problems finding new jobs
FIVE MOVIES I REALLY ENJOYED IN 2008
1. Dark Knight
2. I Am Legend
3. Wanted
4. All the Futurama Movies
5.
FIVE BOOKS I READ IN 2008
1. Darkly Dreaming Dexter
2. Dearly Devoted Dexter
3. World of Warcraft:
4.
5.
FIVE TELEVISION SHOWS I WATCHED ON A REGULAR BASIS IN 2008
1. Futurama
2. Dexter
3. Nip/Tuck
4. Family guy
5.
FIVE THINGS I’M ASHAMED TO HAVE BECOME ADDICTED TO IN 2008
1. Bigger TV's
2. World of Warcarft
3. Gaming
4. People
5. Money
FIVE SONGS / CD's THAT REMAINED ON MY PLAYLIST IN 2008
1. Celldweller
2. Black Light Burns
3. Mindless Self Indulgence
4. Nine Inch Nails
5. Disturbed
Five things that 2008 taught me:
1. Life comes at you fast
2. Good jobs are hard to get, and hard to keep
3. Some people can make you smile in the worst of times
4. Don't walk out on a good thing
5. Once commited to a cause, stick with it
Five personally significant events of 2008:
1. Moved to Jacksonville, FL
2. Truly broke it off with Liz
3. Lost a good job
4. Have started to go back to school
5. Lost my father
For 2009 I want to:
1. Get working on the game
2. Make more things matter
3. Get some of these houses sold
4. Pay off my car
5. Move forward into the path I need to start a career
Five things I don't want to do in 2009:
1. Lose track of people
2. Have any car problems
3. Die :P
4. Lose my girlie :)
5. Lose track of this game
January:
Me and Liz hung out a bit, things were looking ok
February-
Enjoying the house, chillin'
March
Met Ashley, finally cut it off with Liz for good, we're still friends though
April-
Had to get my wisdom teeth pulled out, that sucked hard O.o
May-
My father died, kinda lost contact with alot of people, lost my job, it was a really shitty month.
June-
Things started to pick up again, started looking for a new job, worked at Pizza Hut for a bit, but didn't really like it, met Mel
July-
Hung around the house, did random shit really, birthday and the such
August-
Same as the previous month, enjoyed having Mel living with me
September -
Got an opportunity to get a job in Jacksonville with AT&T
October-
Went to Jacksonville for the job interview, hung with Pat and Laura, went back to party for Halloween
November-
Got the job in Jacksonville, moved down to Florida
December -
Did this stupid survey, like I do every year, AT&T didn't really work out, chilled, had fun, woot! Here's to a much better and happier 2009!
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| RIP |
[07 May 2008|01:18pm] |
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Yesterday, my father passed away, he had a heart attack at home, and was gone by the time I got to the hospital, possibly died at home or in the ambulance, I really don't know how to feel right now, I'm worried about alot, especially my mother.
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| My 2007 Survey, all I seem to post in LJ anymore XD |
[14 Dec 2007|02:13pm] |
I do this every year, and I know this sounds dumb, but this has probably been the worst year I've had, heres to a better 2008.
FIVE GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2007
1. Met new friends
2. Got a Job at Charter Communications
3. Got a house
4.
5.
FIVE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2007
1. Liz and I broke up
2. Got someone pregnant
3. Didn't go through with the pregnancy
4. Lost close friends
5. Got broken and hurt way to many times
FIVE MOVIES I REALLY ENJOYED IN 2007
1. Pirates 3
2. Resident Evil 3
3. 300
4. Pursuit of Happiness
5. Futurama Movie
FIVE BOOKS I READ IN 2007
1. Vampire Lestat
2. Wormwood
3.
4.
5.
FIVE TELEVISION SHOWS I WATCHED ON A REGULAR BASIS IN 2007
1. Futurama
2. Dexter
3. Nip/Tuck
4. Family guy
5.
FIVE THINGS I’M ASHAMED TO HAVE BECOME ADDICTED TO IN 2007
1. Myspace
2. World of Warcarft
3. Alcohol
4. People
5. Money
FIVE SONGS / CD's THAT REMAINED ON MY PLAYLIST IN 2007
1. Celldweller - Celldweller
2. Tool - 10,000 Days
3. Blaqk Audio - Cexcells
4. Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
5. Anything Goo Goo Dolls
Five things that 2007 taught me:
1. Relationships sometimes take more then dating
2. Money is hard to come by
3. Debt sucks hard
4. Don't walk out on a good thing
5. Once commited to a cause, stick with it
Five personally significant events of 2007:
1. Got a house
2. Broke up with Liz
3. Got a real job
4. Realization that I need to go back to school
5. Turning 21
For 2008 I want to:
1. Make this house work
2. Feel alive again
3. Record a whole CD
4. Get back on my feet emotionally
5. Let the past go
Five things I don't want to do in 2008:
1. Get fired
2. Shut myself down emotionally
3. Die hehe
4. Have any car problems
5. Get hurt
January:
Shit with Liz was shaky, lost my job at Block Buster
February-
Liz and I broke up, Sarah and I started hanging out, applied for Charter
March
Started doing dumb shit, getting involved in the wrong things, and changing for the worst
April-
Sarah and I got into alot of problems, stopped talking, got a job at Charter
May-
Met Adri, got out of training for Charter and started on the floor, talked to Liz again
June-
Adri and I feel through, met up with an old friend Mellisa, hooked up with her
July-
Things with Melissa fell through, saw Patricia and Jessica again for the first time in a long time. Things started with Liz again, 21st birthday
August-
Saw HIM, Placebo, MSI, and some other bands live at Projekt Revolution, things fell apart with Liz again
September -
Things with Liz got a little better, drank alot, smoked alot
October-
Halloween, crappy one, few good times though
November-
Saw some family, hung out with friends, Liz and I started to make new realizations, worked
December -
Did this stupid survey, like I do every year, got a house, and am waiting for the rest of it to end. Here's to a much better, and much happier 2008 guys, cheers!
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| Can't Think of a Witty Title |
[26 Jul 2007|11:26am] |
Why do I still feel like things are slipping, and why do I still feel like crap? I think I'm fucking up a bit to much for my own good, and if I fuck up more, I know exactly where it's gunna take me. Everytime I seem to have an idea on what I'm doing, something happens that makes me want to change it. This was really supposed to be a good week, but it's turned out really bad, sorry if I haven't stayed in contact about what's going on, cause I really don't know if I'm doing anything at all.
"Promises and wishes all mean nothing, when it's me that I'm speaking to. Wanting something won't mean I will see it through..."
Peace
John
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[20 Jun 2007|10:28pm] |
Thats it
The biggest concern in my life is gone...
But then why do I feel so horrible about it still?
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[06 May 2007|04:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 good |
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So, shit has been pretty much off the rocker as of late. What's going on with Sarah, I don't know, nor do I care anymore. She's not only lost someone who wanted to do nothing more then help her, but she's lost a friend as well. I'm not gunna play those games anymore, and I'm too damn old to be fucking with that shit. On the bright side however, I met a girl named Kelsey a few months ago, and we'd been talking alot. We hung out almost the entire weekend, and she's really cool, she makes me smile. A real cutie too, she's mean to me, well sarcastically mean to me, so I don't tell her that all the time, but she's hot :)
Heh :)
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| I'm Losing My Fucking Composure |
[19 Apr 2007|01:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
] |
"This isn't easy to admit, I don't think I'm beleiving it. I'm afraid this time."
Good fucking song... Makes me feel... I dunno, whatever it does, I like the song. I honestly had such a good night last night... and it's all shot down in seconds. People are fucking with me, and in turn, it's making me not think corectly. I'm making mistakes and opening up and not thinking. I can't afford these mistakes. It's not a good time for me to take those types of hits. I can't keep my composure. It seems like everytime I turn a corner, and no one is watching, I'm grabbing my hair shaking violently.
I never tried to hurt anyone, and no one that was invovled tried to hurt me... What's killing me, is that the entire situation was produced by a third party, and that person is just tearing down every wall that there was. I'm fucking up. I'm not fucking thinking, and I'm letting myself get blindsided. I have chills running down my spine as I write this, I don't even know how to show my emotions to other people other then the usual me. I know you all know I'm hurting... I'm sorry I push everyone away, I'm not trying to do it conciously... It just happens.
If you know whats good for you, then stay far away from me. I'm a mess, and I don't want to drag anyone else down with me. So please, I'm sorry... Shit is a total mess, and for anyone I hurt, I'm so so sorry... It was never my goal to do any of this to any of you. You just all caught me at a very bad time. I'm trying to move foward, and trying to act normal, but, when I'm alone, I can't stop thinking. It just all pisses me off... I had such a great night last night, and everything seemed like... I dunno, things were doin a little better, until I got home. All in all, in my final statement
I FUCKING CARE
I'm just broken.
"Build them up - High and strong
So you won't have to hurt too long
Put them up - Till they surround
There's no real you left to be found
Hold it up - High above
No fear of hope or trust or love
Close it up - Hold your ground
Wait until it's time to finally close it down"
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| Broken |
[05 Apr 2007|08:27pm] |
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Broken I honestly don't know how else to do this... I hate fucking drama, I fucking hate it with a passion. I honestly don't feel like myself anymore. I've been slowly degrading into something that I hate over the past month or so, and it's killing me. I'm having alot of trouble pulling myself out of this one. I'm honestly having alot of problems holding on. I hate to do it this way, I hate to do it over fucking myspace, or livejournal, or anything like that... But I really can't even show my emotions to people. I've been pouring them out into lyrics, and crying myself to sleep, but I can't seem to let anyone really know how I feel. Everytime someone is around, I perk up, and refuse to show it... Not cause I'm trying to hide it, but because I honestly don't trust anyone knowing how I feel, or how fragile I am right now.
I've been doing some really stupid shit, and I've been thinking of some seriously stupid shit. I've made more mistakes in the past month and a half then I have in a long time, and it feels like everything I've built up over the past 7 years has all fallen victim to my own insecurity. I can't seem to open up to anyone, at all, and my emotions are like a fucking waterfall. I'm hiding it though... and that worries me. Things are constantly going through my head, and when they show up, I don't push them away. In fact, I embrace them.
Shit is peeling apart, and at a quicker pace then I think I can handle. I feel so hurt now, it's tearing me apart. The only person I can blame though, is myself, which makes it even worse on me. I let all this happen to me, and I let myself fall back into something that I hate. I've lost so much trust, it's insane. In everything.
What makes it worse, is that I shouldn't have lost what I did, I don't even understand what happened to me. Every day it's something new, and something else changes. But, whatever it is, it's gunna keep effecting me until I am clear, until I become numb altogather, or worse. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I fucking hate drama, and you all know that. I just honestly don't know how else to say this to anyone, the only time I feel like I can even show my emotions is when I am sitting alone listening to music. I've never hurt so bad. I've never been so confused. I've never felt so backed into a corner.
There's someone out there that is enjoying this though, someone that has wanted this for a long time. Well, I hope your fucking happy, and just for the record, if you're reading this, right now, you're not the person I'm talking about, because that person would never read this, and even if they wanted to, couldn't. I'm in a bad place now, and I can't even let anyone help me, cause I can't let anyone in. For those of you who care about me, I'm sorry... I'm the one that's drowning now.
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[01 Mar 2007|02:52pm] |
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God, Febuary has sucked, for everyone, no one has had a good month, and March isn't looking much better... Good luck to everyone with the new month...
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[16 Jan 2007|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
?
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[22 Jan 2006|06:33pm] |
Repeat:Repeat:Repeat
I'll repeat this day, I'll never turn around
I can see tommorrow, and it's all the same sound
We take what we get, and break what we used
Tell me all you want, I won't be abused
Over and over and over again
I won't be the one who has to pretend
Break the vicious cycle of everything we do
Eating away at all that is you
Welcome to life, bitch and repeat
What you'll do tommorrow
Is what you did last week
Welcome to life, bitch and repeat
Block out what they say
Just try being unique
I can see the way that you look at me
I can see how much you want to be free
I will save you, if you will save me
You and I togather, we can be free
Welcome to life, bitch and repeat
What you'll do tommorrow
Is what you did last week
Welcome to life, bitch and repeat
Block out what they say
Just try being unique
In a world without colour
We'll bleed through their greys
Staining all their bleakness
And not be washed away
In a world without colour
We'll paint havok and decay
All those who'll erase us
But they can't take us away
Welcome to life, bitch and repeat
What you'll do tommorrow
Is what you did last week
Welcome to life, bitch and repeat
Block out what they say
Just try being unique
Everything you do, everything for them
I can't stand around, and try to defend
It's the ones who smile, that I don't trust
We're all in this togather, for greed, blood and lust
It's something about the way, they stare back at me
that gleam in their eyes, as their lies start to bleed
Another stray bullet, and another distant end
To another stray person, to another distant demand
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[13 Jan 2006|08:11am] |
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NIN tickets go on sale TOMMORROW at 10AM, if you need me to pick up your ticket, holla at me, my cell number is 201 2809, I'll be in greenville most of the day
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[08 Jan 2006|02:58pm] |
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NIN TICKETS GO ON SALE 1/14/06, 1/11/06 if your in the spiral club... 10 AM 1/14/06
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[28 Dec 2005|01:20pm] |
FIVE GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2005
1. Saw NIN
2. Liz
3. Went back to school, for a semester
4. Got into a decent job
5.
FIVE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2005
1. Car died, alot
2. Had to leave apartment
3. Broke up with Sarah
4. Worked at Wal Mart
5.
FIVE MOVIES I REALLY ENJOYED IN 2005
1. Aeon Flux
2. Corpse Bride
3. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
4.
5.
FIVE BOOKS I READ IN 2005
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
FIVE TELEVISION SHOWS I WATCHED ON A REGULAR BASIS IN 2005
1. Family Guy
2. Teen Titans
3. Futurama
4. Boondocks
5.
FIVE THINGS I’M ASHAMED TO HAVE BECOME ADDICTED TO IN 2005
1. Myspace
2. World of Warcarft
3. Alcohol
4. Work
5.
FIVE SONGS / CD's THAT REMAINED ON MY PLAYLIST IN 2005
1. Nine Inch Nails - Gave Up
2. Saul Williams - Scene II Act (III)
3. Incubus - Warning
4. Sublime - What I Got
5. Orgy - Stitches
Five things that 2005 taught me:
1. Wal Mart SUCKS
2. Real life SUCKS
3. Never be a Telemarketer
4. Apartments hurt friendships
5. Once commited to a cause, stick with it
Five personally significant events of 2005:
1. Fdisk, format, reinstall
2. Getting an apartment
3. Getting a license
4. Moving out for a second time
5. Getting a management posistion in less then 3 months
For 2006 I want to:
1. Become a Store Manager
2. Move out again
3. Start moving foward with my band
4. Really start on my life
5. Look into college again
Five things I don't want to do in 2006:
1. Get fired
2. Lose my friends
3. Become Deaf
4. Break another Car
5. Miss as many SOLAR events
January:
Working at Publix, starting Gville tech
February-
Making Amends with Patrick
March
GOT NIN TICKETS
April-
Started Walmart
May-
NIN CONCERT, ATLANTA, BEST TIME OF THE YEAR
June-
Met Liz, quit Walmart, almost ran away to West Coast with Debra
July- Had no job, waisted time, started telemarketing
August- Started working at gamestop, moved out of apartment
September - Didn't do much in september
October- Got promoted, moved to mall store
November- Worked, alot
December - Hung out with Patrick, got a bass, FOUDN OUT NIN WAS GUNNA PLAY THE BILO CENTER!!!!
Happy fucking 2006 BIYTCHS
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| O.o |
[17 Dec 2005|07:35pm] |
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Fuck :)
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[06 Dec 2005|06:28pm] |
Need I say more?
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| Hehe |
[08 Nov 2005|12:15am] |
| Your Birthdate: July 27 | 
You are a spiritual soul - a person who tries to find meaning in everything.
You spend a good amount of time meditating, trying to figure out life.
Helping others is also important to you. You enjoy social activities with that goal.
You are very generous and giving. Yet you expect very little in return.
Your strength: Getting along with anyone and everyone
Your weakness: Needing a good amount of downtime to recharge
Your power color: Cobalt blue
Your power symbol: Dove
Your power month: September |
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enezi's journal
crushed
